Honored for Life

 So, today marks a very special day in our lives.  Fifteen years ago today, a baby was born to my husband and I, and we fell in love all over again and we instantly fell in love with her.  At that moment, I felt like the most blessed and luckiest person alive to be entrusted with such an amazingly beautiful baby.  Seconds after birth, she was placed on my chest and in Chris’s arms and she looked directly into our eyes.  She looked straight in my eyes, and then redirected her and looked straight into Chris’s eyes.  As if she could not wait to finally see us and if we resembled her in any way.  That very moment was the defining moment in our lives that made us parents of an obviously spirited child.  What a wonderful joy she has been to us.  Never ceasing to make us proud.  I have a fifteen-year-old.  Who would have ever thought?  If only my mom were here right now to see her.  She would be beaming over her I just know it.  Those two had such a special relationship.  Almost as if they were two peas in a pod.  My baby girl bonded with my mom immediately and my mom gushed over her always.  It was almost as if they already knew each other.  When my mom passed in 2011, baby girl was just weeks away from her twelvth birthday.  We had spent that previous Thanksgiving with my parents, and baby girl spent all of her time right next to my mom cuddling with her on her bed.  They ate chocolate Hershey bars together, sang songs and watched Dirty Dancing on the VCR together.

  Today at 6am as she got out of my car on a snowy (it ALWAYS snows on her birthday–even the day she was born), dark morning, I blew  to her kisses and wished her ‘happy birthday at school day’ as she peered in from the darkness outside to make eye contact with me by dim overhead lights in my car, and replied, “Thanks Mommy, and thank you for giving me life.”  Then she shut the heavy car door, which always reminds me of a vault door slamming shut.  As she stepped up on to the bus, my jaw hung open.  I have never heard such beautiful words in all my years.  She thanked me for giving her life.  She did not hear me, but I said aloud to myself “no, really, I’m honored for you to be in my life.”  

Thufferin Thoriathith

Psoriasis Wridden Elbow

See this?  Yeah.  That’s my left elbow.  I have PSORIASIS.  Can you say that big word?  I prefer to say it just like Sylvester: Thoriathith.  Makes it sound not so disgusting.  I’m not sure which is worse: the embarrassment of it during short sleeve season when acquaintences all ask if I have poison ivy; the constant nag of the burning intense itch of it which makes me look like a monkey going ape shit (no pun intended); knowing that it is never going away; trying to find clothes to hide it on the most sweltering hot days of summer; the fear of not knowing if it will be all flared up at an upcoming occassion when I would least want it to be; or the look on people’s faces when they see it.  It’s all horrible.  If you have it all over your body and not just on your elbows like I do, I pray for you, really.  I’m sorry.  I hear lots of people with MS have it.  Do you or do you know someone with MS and Thoriathith?  When it flares like this for so many consecutive days, it has historically been an indication that an MS flare is just around the corner.  And my eyes have been achy.  It almost feels like I have a sore on my right eyeball, but I do not see anything on it when I look in the mirror.  It even burns a little.  And, this morning, I realized that I have been making some very poor split-second driving decisions.  I’m not taking risks that I would not ordinarily take, but my depth and timing perception seems to be a bit off, and I’ve been hesitating when its too dangerous to hesitate.  I’m aware of it, and the first step to recovery is recognizing and admitting to your loved ones that you have a problem.  So, here I am admitting it to you–whether you love me or not.  If it seems to be persistent or getting worse, I’ll alert the powers that be about my newfound, behind-the-wheel concerns. Here I go again: itch, itch, itch, itch, itch.  Oh, and what you see in this photo is nothing compared to the thoriathith flares I would get before being on Tecfidera.  My elbows always had patches of something bleeding oozy, dry white and crusty and, okay, so I will stop there.

Something Special for my Daughter

So, a few weeks ago, I was lost somewhere on Pinterest and somehow found someone’s pin showing how she made a t-shirt scarf for herself.  Looked easy.  Looked cool.  Looked doable.  So, I showed my incredibly sentimental and creative 14 year old daughter the pin, and she seemed to love it.  So, when we could, we hit thrift shops looking for interesting t-shirts made from the same weight cotton jersey.  Colors, designs, words and textures.  We were on the hunt for all of them.  It’s been a bit snowy here and the kids have had 2 days off from school, and what better way to bond even more than to work on the t-shirt scarf together.  She chose exactly how she wanted each shirt cut and what designs to include on each panel.  We decided that using a double layer of each shirt was the best way to go because just one layer may have been so thin that the scarf would roll up and not hold its shape.  I put such love and effort into the pieces of jersey into a scarf.  I could not wait to show it to her.  So I woke her up at midnight–hey, it was okay because she did not have school the next day.  And, in four small words, she broke my heart.  They were, “What did you do”?  Huh, seriously–how could this be happening when I am so excited about this masterpiece of original artwork of mine?  She said, “I don’t really wear scarves, so I’ll probably never wear that”.  First it was a knife through my heart, and secondly, she twisted it.  I tried to model it for her, and she then instructed me to hang it up on the hook inside her closet door.  I went back to my bedroom, looked over at my sewing corner and could not believe the mess of scraps and color snippets and threads piled up on the floor next to my workspace.   Oh well, she may not like it now, but maybe someday she will.  Maybe she can use it as a bed scarf or other decorative thing when she goes to college.  Some would say never to make her anything again.  But I will.  Over and over again.  Because I love her with all of my might.

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The snowy day I spent making a t-shirt scarf for my daughter.

The snowy day I spent making a t-shirt scarf for my daughter.

Even Professional Athletes Can Have MS

It’s day 3 of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sotchi, Russia.  I’ve been channel surfing–er, a, er um, make that ‘sports channel’ surfing for the times, dates and players on the U.S. Hockey Team, and found this bit of information about the goalie for the Minnesota Wild, Josh Harding.  Here he is, having what they are calling the best season of his career, after a recent MS diagnosis.  I love to read good stories about MS victims defying the disease.  So encouraging.  And, he is committed to giving financial help to MSers who may not have the ability to pay for the good drugs, or even their food or utility bills.  Good guy, Josh Harding, keep the momentum.

Oh, and I still can’t figure out exactly who will be on the U.S. Team, it seems like all the great NHL players will be representing their own country’s’ team.   http://www.cbssports.com/general/writer/gregg-doyel/24379572/no-miracle-that-harding-is-having-his-best-season-after-ms-diagnosis